"She's got a certain charm...

2004-01-03T17:31:00.000-05:00

why am i so neurotic?

2004-01-01T21:09:00.000-05:00

went to jessi's last night for new years :) it was great seeing her. it was just susan and jessi and i and we stayed up late and talked and watched movies (we watched 28 days later and how to deal) and then we toasted the new year ("here's to not fucking up!!") and watched law and order SVU for a bit, then went to bed. at 5 am. lol it was fun.

so i got home around noon, showered, and slept until 6. then my parents and i watched monk because there's a monk marathon on :) yay!

i miss tom and he's not answering his phone lol he's probably sleeping or his phone's broken again *sigh*

*kisses to tom*
*hugs to the alphasigs*

~Cristina~

2003-12-30T02:07:00.000-05:00

i'm kind of worried about tom. i know his blood sugar was low earlier and he said we would talk later but he isn't answering his phone. this is the usual time we talk at night. i'm hoping he just misplaced his phone or something and that he's not sick or in the hospital or anything. maybe i worry too much. i hope so.
anyway, nothing really to say. going to burn a CD then go to bed.

i love you thomas.

~cristina~

2003-12-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

http://www.emplive.com/

today we went there :) it was awesome :)

let's see. got up ridiculously early, went downtown, met ninang for lunch, went downtown again, came home.

tomorrow's relaxing day before coming back home. we're stopping at school to pick up some stuff for me, and tom's going to meet me there so i can see him - even if it's only for a few minutes. damn i love that man :)

anyway, i have a headache, i'm gonna go take some ibuprofen and stuff.

love you, tom!

~Cristina~

2003-12-28T01:04:00.000-05:00

I used to want to be a mermaid
I like black and white photos better than color
I try not to let people see me cry.
I dream of marital happiness
I fear important people in my life might forget about me.
I am fascinated by greek mythology
I like cheddar jack cheese
I fear a lot of things I can't control

*Chaotic Insight (Sonnet 1)*

Is all of life this full of chaos, too?
I like to think that this is just a dream
A thought inside this jumbled mind, and you,
A lifeguard in this homicidal stream.
There are some times when I feel so content
It's hard to think that I could feel this pain
And that's when I think you are heaven-sent -
An angel, helping me not go insane.
But "angel" is a nickname I've procured
Because I'm not all sweet divinity
But just the opposite of sweet and pure
Though I show strangest signs of purity.
And even though I've sinned a lot before,
I hope you still can love me evermore.

2003-12-28T00:37:00.000-05:00

Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time

Life is bare, gloom and misery everywhere
Stormy weather, just can't get my poor old self together
I'm weary all the time, the time, so weary all of the time

When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray, the lord above will let me walk in the sun once more

Can't go on, everything I had is gone
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time
Keeps raining all of the time

I walk around heavy-hearted and sad
Night comes around and I'm still feeling bad
Rain pourin' down, blinding every hope I had
This pitter andd n patter and beating, spattering driving me mad
Love, love, love, love, the misery will be the end of me

When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray, the lord above will let me
Walk in the sun once more

Can't go on, everything I had is gone
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time, the time
Keeps raining all the time

2003-12-27T23:29:00.000-05:00

mrminniemouse: are you saying I am welcome that I get to look at a pretty girl like you?

2003-12-27T00:10:00.000-05:00

well since everyone else put up their lists, i guess i'll put mine up:

* pajama set from Victoria's Secret (real cotton pajamas, guys, no, family did not give me lingerie lol)
* weird shorts/camisole set that looks like it belongs on a 10 year old going to day camp
* a nifty little book light
* a basket of nice smelling lotions, shower gel, bubble bath, and hand sanitizer
* a 4-CD set called "The History of Jazz"
* a silver plated mirror, brush, and comb set
* "The Metropolitan Opera: Stories of the Great Operas" (hardcover!)
* cash
* Barnes and Noble Gift Cards
* brand new 2003 Hyundai Elantra :-D

i like that last one :)

anyway. just thinking of my love, maybe I'll call him in a bit.

love you, thomas!

~Cristina~

2003-12-26T22:33:00.000-05:00

What's the difference between a fairy tale from the North and one from the South?
The ones from the North start, "Once upon a time..." and the ones from the South start, "Ya'll won't believe this shit."

2003-12-26T16:22:00.000-05:00

We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (i'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

you want love?
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (i'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Damn baby
You frustrate me
I know you're mine all mine all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (i'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonderland

2003-12-26T11:13:00.000-05:00

going to snoqualmie for the day

then my mom and i are going shopping, which is good - Tom's birthday is coming up! :)

i love you, thomas!

and hugs to all my AlphaSigs!

~Cristina~

2003-12-26T01:09:00.000-05:00

I GOT A CAR FOR CHRISTMAS!!! Brand new, 2003 Hyundai Elantra :D SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY :D :D :D:D *beams*
and the best part - my parents already took care of my insurance, inspection, tax, everything. So for now all i have to worry about is gas money, until i get a job!
unfortunately i can't take it to DC until march (virginia state law says you can't drive for 6 months after an episode of loss of consciousness) but still - I HAVE A CAR!! IT"S MINE!!
They put the key in a jewelry box and gave me another box with the manuals and stuff in it :-D plus a picture of my pretty ocean-blue car :)

and on that note, i go to chill with family :)

"We went to Midnight Mass...which lasted forever because my grandparents insisted on being there an hour early. They had so much insense burning I thought I was going to croak. Added to this, was the Holy bread I got stuck in my throat. What a way to say Merry Christmas than choking on some Lord." ~Shannon's LJ

~Cristina~

*kisses to tom from his faerie*

2003-12-24T18:13:00.000-05:00

*dances around and sings*
it's almost christmas!!

~Cristina~

2003-12-24T18:11:00.000-05:00

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, and fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean a phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

2003-12-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

I woke up to Tom's voice this morning!! around 11-ish (my time) my cell phone rang and it was my baby!! :) :) :) :) happy happy happy he told me that he loves me and misses me etc etc. *BEAM* i'm happy :)

anyway i'm gonna go eat breakfast etc.

love to my AlphaSigs (and eric must be inducted MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

~cristina~

2003-12-24T00:43:00.000-05:00

Driretlan is your Vampire name.
You are a witty Vampire with a certain style that
others are drawn to.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire,
go here:
www.life-blood.vze.com

What is your Vampire name?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-24T00:37:00.000-05:00

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-24T00:29:00.000-05:00

Let's see. went to the navy exchange today, finally got my exchange gift for the gift exchange. I also got envelopes so i can send my letters to Tom :) then dad and i ate at taco bell (PS I have to stop eating so much, i'm going to be so fat when i get back to school *sigh*) then we got back and hung out for a bit (i'm playing through Alice again) and then uncle danny and auntie vickie took me out shopping a bit for christmas groceries :) i got some really good food :)

I put tom's letters in an envelope. now to find stamps.

I'm waiting for the reunion of the fun four (tom, me, david, jessica) *sigh*

TOMORROW"S CHRISTMAS EVE!! YAY!!

I love thomas patrick joseph chance clune and he loves me :)
damn that feels good *beam*

~Cristina~

2003-12-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

You know so much about the nightmare before
christmas. You must research and study it as
much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
was a kid and studied it very hard.
Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
my quiz.

XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-23T14:49:00.000-05:00

Protector

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-23T14:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html

only a bit scary...hell no, it's actually rather disturbing. check it out ;)

daddy and i are going to the exchange, i need to get some stuff as well as a White Elephant exchange gift. *sigh*

call the cell, i'm around ;)

2003-12-23T12:52:00.000-05:00

mrminniemouse: you rock
mrminniemouse: I love you

*beam*
i love my friends :)

and i love you, tom!

2003-12-23T01:13:00.000-05:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

2003-12-23T00:58:00.000-05:00

"every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten."

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"
(Chris Rock)

2003-12-22T22:34:00.000-05:00

*sniff* i miss tom...

i need cuddles and hugs and kisses...

and tom does it best...

2003-12-22T18:50:00.000-05:00

i got up around noonish washington time, which means it was about threeish virginia time...ate lunch then went to barnes and noble with my dad and uncle and aunt...it was cool, my dad got me a new planner :)

Jessikate: aww.. well, my dad thought he was being all sneaky when he was telling my mom what to get me for christmas.. (she's out shopping for both of us right now).. but i heard! :-) hee hee
la be11a carina: lol
la be11a carina: so what are you getting?
Jessikate: a corduroy jacket that i found in hecht's that i like.. what he doesn't know is that i got the phone after him... and told her what to get him... haha!
Jessikate: i love christmas!
la be11a carina: lol
la be11a carina: that's hilarious
Jessikate: it's great.. the holiday of sneakiness and deceit!

lol that's cute :)

let's see...nothing else to really say. Tom apparently got a really bad haircut because the stupid haircutbitch wouldn't listen to him. *sigh* i LIKE his hair... I'm gonna miss it...i hope it grows back by the time school comes back....

anyway. call me. please! i long to hear the voices of my friends...so much that i constantly have my cell phone charged, on, and on me at all times...*sigh* how sad is that?

*hugs and love to tom*

and of course to the AlphaSigs :)

<3 I LOVE THOMAS <3

~Cristina

2003-12-22T00:45:00.001-05:00

as you all can see, i'm taking a lot of quizzes.

2003-12-22T00:45:00.000-05:00

Night Sky Fairy!! You Love the sky and stars. You
are mystic and beautiful. Theres something
about you elegance thet is so calming. Please
please vote for my quiz!

Which Beautiful Amy Brown Fairy Are You? (with pretty pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-22T00:43:00.000-05:00

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-22T00:40:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth Swann
You are the lovely miss swann You are the governor
daughter and you are quite the adventure. You
will doing anything to save the one you truly
love life even if it means not being with them
for ever. Please vote for my quiz

Which Pirate of the Caribbean's person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-22T00:23:00.000-05:00

I got this from Shannon, yet again.

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.

01. I love root beer.
02. I like to go out shopping by myself
03. I used to want to be a mermaid
04. I hate it when my hair gets in my face.
05. I like black and white photos better than color
06. I plan on visiting Ireland sometime.
07. I highlight my hair
08. I love Sarah Brightman
09. I'm medicated!
10. I have a dog.
11. I love pizza.
12. Performing is one of my passions
13. I'm in love with someone
14. I have a hard time letting go of the past
15. I watch documentaries on people no one has heard of
16. I'm unhappy with the way I look.
17. My best friend lives in another state
18. I have a low tolerance for annoying people/situations
19. I tend to be mean to people I don't like
20. I find some of my buddies' away messages amusing
21. I realize that I must act in order to change my life, but wish everything set itself up for me
22. I cannot understand why people don't like to read
23. I don't like working all the time but I HATE being forced to do nothing.
24. I usually meet people as opposed to them meeting me.
25. I love my job.
26. My favorite season is Spring
27. I am usually overly comfortable in social settings.
28. I don't like cleaning - i can usually stand the mess but only for a while
29. I love shoes
30. I keep EVERYTHING. I'm a "packrat"
31. I try not to let people see me cry.
32. I spend far too much time on the computer
33. High school was a turbulent time in my life
34. I'm finally starting to think I may know where I'm going in life.
35. If I had the money, I'd put it towards independence and start paying bills my parents pay.
36. I dream of marital happiness
37. I wonder what people really think of me
38. I live off of instant messenger
39. "The Goonies" makes me vomit
40. My friends are awesome.
41. I hate people who are ignorant
42. I like people who are a bit out of the ordinary
43. I love being cuddled
44. I want to live with my best friend
45. I like to imagine "what if" scenarios
46. I talk to myself
47. I like dancing, even though I'm terrible at it
48. I couldn't stand being around children all day, unless they were mine.
49. I'm a confirmed Catholic
50. I loathe shows like Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood
51. I like silence at times
52. I fear important people in my life might forget about me.
53. I have a brother that's not my brother :)
54. I despise math
55. I like being alone sometimes
56. People say I'm funny
57. I love the smell of the rain
58. I am fascinated by greek mythology
59. I love clothes
60. I'm stronger than I realize
61. I love to swing
62. I like drawing
63. I have a vivid imagination
64. I sometimes sing in the shower
65. I have odd dreams
66. I wish I could travel more often
67. I like plane flights, but not airports.
68. I am 19years old
69. I'm not a good dancer
70. I will have a car in the spring.
71. I'm loud
72. I love fish in a tank. But I don't like fishing
73. I'm online a lot
74. I question why people are in love with celebrities
75. I hate lima beans
76. I like flowers
77. I LOVE '80's music
78. I've never lived in the same city for more than three years.
79. I want a real home base.
80. I am told I write very well
81. I like cheddar jack cheese
82. I love South Park
83. I have had braces
84. I think medicine is interesting
85. I'm still indecisive about some things
86. I am female
87. I think wishing for world peace is silly
88. I'm not good with compliments
89. I don't like waking up
90. I fear a lot of things I can't control
91. I have pet names for people
92. I've been to a therapist before
93. I know how to play asshole, UVA style
94. I like my hair down, but i pull it up a lot.
95. I am impatient
96. I hope I can do what I love for a living
97. My eyes are almost black.
98. I'm really ticklish. ridiculously so.
99. I'm right handed
100. I am done with this survey now

2003-12-22T00:19:00.001-05:00

Again, from Shannon's LJ:

Chelsea: (browsing through PEOPLE magazine) Look, it's Liza Manelli.
Shannon: She beats her husband.
Chelsea: Uh, look at him! I'd beat him too!

2003-12-22T00:19:00.000-05:00

From Shannon's LJ:

"I was rushing around with two drive thru's, someone came up and stood at the counter. I didn't pay attention to who it was or even look at them as I rushed back and forth. "I'll be right with you, Sir," I said. Ron began to help the customer and after I took care of both lanes, I offered to take over the counter while Ron went back to verifying. At the counter, the customer said "I told that man to tell you I'm not a 'sir'" I looked up. She wasn't a sir. I felt like a horse's ass."

2003-12-21T23:23:00.000-05:00

Protector Fairy
Please rate my quiz I worked really hard for this
thanks

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-21T12:13:00.000-05:00

let's see....went to Leavenworth yesterday. It was cute. Nice little Christmas tourist town. Then we went to go see lights in the neighborhoods. Yay. Unfortunately, it was nothing compared to seeing my bryan. He's awesome, made himself the brother I never had :) which was good, because I made myself the sister he never had lol :)

I wrote Tom a nice long letter last night. Now all I have to do is find an envelope to send the two I've got hanging around waiting to be sent.

I don't know if I told you all yet, but there is a theory (that will hopefully lead to a diagnosis) on what's wrong with me. I went to my followup appointment with my cardiologist and we went over the printed results from the heart monitor (that was an interesting couple of days...i felt like a freakin robot or something....I remember when we took the sticky electrode things off the guys thought it was hilarious...it hurt like hell lol) and discovered some things. See, they put me on that monitor because they thought that my heart rate was lower than usual. That would make sense, seeing as that would cause blackouts like the ones I've been experiencing. But when we went over the monitor results, we discovered that my heart rate is actually regularly higher than average. The average heart rate is 50-70 for someone my age. mine runs 83-90 on average. and we also discovered that when I have one of my episodes (passing out, etc) my heart rate actually goes up. We also realized that the majority of the time that I passed out, it was right after getting up or standing up or something. So my doctor thinks that i may have what's called "postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome." It basically means that I pass out because my heart rate goes up dramatically after going from a laying down or sitting position to sitting or standing. (If you really want to be diligent about learning about this, you can go to http://potsplace.com/ and click on the headings in the bar on the left under "POTS place")

That on top of my chronic eczema (stupid skin disease/dry skin/allergy issues) and my asthma, I've been a medical catastrophe this year lol - Two major ER visits (the first time in September, we all remember that, i'm sure lol) and the other one a week or so ago (the doctors gave me the wrong medicine for my sinus infection, it got worse, I couldn't breathe, I panicked, I had an asthma attack due to the panic attack, big mess lol) Not to mention coming down with the flu/sinus infection a few days before my juries (and yes, having to sing my juries with the sinus infection/flu) which of course would be right at the beginning of finals week. And having to reschedule my French exam because of that second ER visit. All this plus studying and going to class and attending those stupid mandatory recitals that we don't get any credit for (but can't graduate without), plus trying to start planning my junior recital, plus dealing with parents and friends and Tom :) (Not that any of that is bad), plus practicing and going to operas (Mme Butterfly was interesting) etc etc etc...Lord have mercy it's been a difficult semester. at least i was only taking 16 credits. I hope it doesn't get this difficult next semester; I've got to take 18 credits next semester and there's no way around it. and I really have to get down to planning my junior recital; I want it sometime in the Fall of next year.

*sigh*

anyway. we're going on this train thing for my dad's birthday today (happy 50th, daddy!) and then to my uncle's house for a party, then lord only knows. call my cell phone if you feel like helping me keep my sanity lol

love to my AlphaSigs (Tom :), David, and Jessica)

i love you Tom!

~Cristina~

2003-12-19T17:40:00.000-05:00

from Mia's journal:

"yesterday my Dad helped me move all the stuff out of my dorm room. it took us about 2 hrs. it was a real workout, lol. we had to walk back & forth moving stuff out of the old room and into my BRAND NEW SINGLE ROOM! :-) i'm so happy. next semester is gonna rule. i no longer have to deal with my dirty-ass, annoying room mate who enjoyed stealing shit out of my closet. WOOHOO!!"

Hah, she just got pissed off that the TV was gone. BITCH.

anyway. gotta get dressed

love you, tom!

2003-12-15T02:47:00.000-05:00

*gasp* Cristina writing an actual post? As in, something not copy/pasted, no quizzie things or quotes, just an actual post?! wow...

Been up and down lately. hormonal imbalances and whatnot i suppose. among other things....

my heart hurts

ow.

2003-12-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

[x]I regret - only one thing in my life, and I'd rather keep that to myself...
[x] I wish - I was healthy
[x] I love - my friends, my boyfriend, my dog
[x] I miss - being taken care of, not having to deal with doctors, not having to worry about so many things
[x] I fear - failure, spiders, that i'm not good enough, that people don't believe what i say
[x] I want - a chance to do something amazing, the best for all my friends, to be healthy
[x] I hear - myself sniffling from the latest in the series of illnesses that have struck me this semester
[x] I search - with google.
LAST TIME YOU...
[x] smiled? when tom told me he loves me
[x] cried? last night
[x] bought something? couple days ago - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!
[x] got hammered? last year
[x] kissed someone? about two hours ago
[x] talked to an ex? last night
[x] last thing you read? my music history paper
[x] last movie you saw on the big screen? good question...i don't remember...
[x] last time you laughed? last night
[x] last song you heard? my unbelievably sickness-induced, shaky voice singing the Mandoline by Faure
[x] last thing you had to drink? water
CURRENTS:
[x] current clothes: favorite blue fuzzy sweater, black pants
[x] current feeling: a bit sad, i'm not sure why, a bit guilty as well, not sure why, sick.
[x] current taste: mouth.
[x] current hair: unwashed and tangled, but pulled up so it looks halfway decent
[x] current annoyance: my feet are cold.
[x] current smell: tom's room. it has a very...unique...smell
[x] current thing you ought to be doing: turning in said music history paper
[x] current desktop picture: black and white picture of tom standing outside while it snowed
[x] current book: book?
[x] current refreshment: diet pepsi
[x] current worry: am i going to pass all my classes?
[x] current crush: Thomas Patrick Joseph Chance Clune
[x] current favorite celebrity: celebrities have cooties.
WHO/WHAT?:
[x] who do you like: Thomas Patrick Joseph Chance Clune
[x] who likes you: Thomas Patrick Joseph Chance Clune
[x] what annoys you: anything when i'm in a grumpy mood or sick, which is a lot lately
[x] what do you want to do: stop being sick and ace my finals
[x] who is one person you never get sick of: TPJCC :)
[x] who is one person you would marry tomorrow: again, TPJCC :)
[x] do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?: depends on so very many factors...*sigh*
[x] what would you take if you were stuck on a desert island? sunscreen, lotion, towels, an unlimited supply of bottled water, and a house.
[x] who would you take to that island if you had to take anyone, dead or alive? the "alpha sigs" lol
DO / HAVE / WHAT / ETC.:
[x] do you like water?: sure
[x] if your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would you save?: my house :) (stolen from bryan, but it was a good idea!)
[x] have you ever said 'i love you' and not meant it?: nope
[x] what is your favorite sesame street character?: Snuffleupagus
[x] what time is it?: 14:31
[x] what time did you wake up this morning?: 9:00
[x] who would you trade places with for a day?: no one.
[x] have you ever been told you look like a celebrity?: no thank god
[x] would you rather live in the mountains or by the ocean?: mountains
last time you've:
[x] gotten sick: now
[x] eaten: oops...i knew i forgot something...
[x] been kissed: about 2 hours ago
[x] felt stupid: it happens so often i don't even bother to remember it
[x] wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: a looooooong time ago...actually, more like august :)
[x] talked to someone you have a crush on: today!
[x] had a serious talk: last night, with tom
[x] missed someone: now
[x] hugged someone: this morning
[x] had a boyfriend: now
[x] what type of automobile do you drive: i dont'
[x] would you rather be with friends or on a date: well with my friends, because thomas is my friend :)
[x] do you attend church: only when i'm home
[x] do you like being around people: yes
[x] have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?: yep
[x] have you ever cried over the opposite sex: oh yeah.
[x] have you ever lied to your best friend: nope
[x] ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: yes
[x] rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship
[x] want someone you don't have right now: nope
[x] ever liked your best girl friend: if i were a lesbian, i would ;)
[x] do you want to get married: yes
[x] do you want kids: yes
[x] what is your favorite part of your physical appearance: i'm supposed to like it?
[x] are you happy with your life: for the most part, yeah
[x] if you could change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?: my grades
DO YOU...
[x] have a crush?: yep and fortunately i'm dating him!
[x] have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yupyupyupyupyup!!
[x] read the newspaper?: rarely
[x] have any gay, bisexual or lesbian friends?: of course :)
[x] believe in miracles? i like to think i do
[x] believe its possible to remain faithful forever? yes
[x] believe in God? god, yes. religion, no.
[x] have any secrets? *wink*
[x] go to or plan to go to a university/college? yup i'm at gmu right now, and loving every second
[x] have any piercings? my ears
[x] have any tattoos? no permanent ones
[x] have a best friend? a few
[x] have any bad habits? getting easily irritable, etc etc lol so yes
[x] care about looks? sometimes
[x] trust others easily? no
[x] take walks in the rain? as long as it's not too cold

2003-12-06T01:47:00.000-05:00

Which Family Guy Character are you? Take the Quiz!

2003-11-27T10:57:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!! Let's see. day before yesterday was one of the best days ever :) Vinnie left for home Tuesday afternoon and Tom and I had the room to ourselves :) We were able to keep it nice and quiet (no badger badger badger lol) and turn on our Christmas lights and just cuddle :) it was so nice. And we talked a lot :D I love you, Thomas Patrick Joseph Chance Clune! *sigh* anyway. moving on. My parents picked me up last night around 10:30 ish and we drove out to manassas to my aunt's house...but my aunt's not here...lol she's in Guam with my grandparents, which is good, considering the state they're in right now. i'm having some asthma issues with this house, though. it hasn't been vaccuumed for like, ever, or something lol there's waaaayyy too much dust and dog hair around here....it's rather gross. but i'll deal until ... i don't have to anymore lol *sigh* *cough cough* *wheeze* *sigh* anyway. i'm gonna go now.

i love you tom!

special shout outs to david, jessica, tony, eric, eric, ella, jeff, bryan, and anjoo :)

~cristina~

2003-11-17T00:39:00.000-05:00

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-11-03T00:59:00.000-05:00

I am worth exactly $2,202,656.00. :) how much are you worth? http://www.humanforsale.com

2003-10-28T00:34:00.000-05:00

moo.

2003-10-27T01:08:00.000-05:00

bleh.

"don't be an arrogant prick."
"you ask too much of me."

"tom?"
"yeah?...wait..don't tell me...MY DICK IS HANGING OUT?!!"

neurology appt tomorrow, and my mom's bringing my dress for halloween. i hope she doesn't forget it. we had a kickass awful fight the other night to the point where we were screaming at each other over the phone for like an hour and a half. i swear to god, we just can't seem to get along at all. anyway. so yeah. we fought like demons, as always. and then the next time we talked we were perfectly civil to each other. WTF?! whatever. i don't get it. we've always been like that. if we had fought like that face to face it wouldn't have been like that. we would have killed each other, i swear. my temper snapped and the only thing that kept me from screaming some horribly obscene, unforgivably evil remark is the fact that tom was right there letting me take out my anger on him etc.

what a darling.

anyway. tom is being a whiny bitch so i'm gonna go to bed.

*sigh*

in the words of the shannon/cristina legacy,

"oh, he makes me swoon."

~cristina~

2003-10-11T22:45:00.000-05:00

mrminniemouse: I had a fucked up dream with you in it
la be11a carina: yeah?
la be11a carina: tell tell
mrminniemouse: we were in Geneva
mrminniemouse: eating a restaurant
la be11a carina: wow we must have been hungry
mrminniemouse: yeah
la be11a carina: to eat a whole restaurant
mrminniemouse: oops
mrminniemouse: I forgot a word
la be11a carina: LOL
mrminniemouse: anyway
la be11a carina: anyway
la be11a carina: then what?
mrminniemouse: so then we were confronted
la be11a carina: by whom?
mrminniemouse: my Lieutennant
la be11a carina: for what?
mrminniemouse: because I was apparently betrothed to his daughter
mrminniemouse: and I was caught with a hot Asian chick
la be11a carina: o_0
la be11a carina: you think i'm hot?
mrminniemouse: HELL YEAH!
la be11a carina: *blush*
mrminniemouse: that thing about you not being hot because you are an American the other night, I was being silly
mrminniemouse: you are beautiful
mrminniemouse: I wish I were yours
mrminniemouse: lucky Tom

2003-10-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

[Megan leaves Central Park while Peter stands still and shouts at her]
Peter: "Now wait just a minute young lady, don't you walk away from me! He-- Hey! Don't you start running! Wa-wait, Meg, Meg get off that bus! N--Don't you go to La Guardia! Meg! Meg, listen to me, don't you dare get on that plane! Don't you shell out five bucks for headphones for Magnolia! Ok, now I'm pissed...."

***

Am I the only one who would shit myself laughing if Virginia Tech's school song was "The Hokie Pokie"?

You put your money in,
You get a degree out!
But all day you drank gin,
And became a vomit spout!
You do the Hokie Pokie and you flaunt yourself around,
Your future's now in doubt!

(shamelessly stolen from matt's profile/away message)

2003-10-09T22:14:00.000-05:00

*Chaotic Insight (Sonnet 1)*

Is all of life this full of chaos, too?
I like to think that this is just a dream
A thought inside this jumbled mind, and you,
A lifeguard in this homicidal stream.
There are some times when I feel so content
It's hard to think that I could feel this pain
And that's when I think you are heaven-sent -
An angel, helping me not go insane.
But "angel" is a nickname I've procured
Because I'm not all sweet divinity
But just the opposite of sweet and pure
Though I show strangest signs of purity.
And even though I've sinned a lot before,
I hope you still can love me evermore.

2003-10-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

i'm sad and i'm not sure why...

2003-10-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

My life is rated NC-17.
HREF="http://www.readingforresults.com/rating/quiz.htm">What is your life rated?

2003-10-03T22:53:00.000-05:00

Shh. Shut up. Don't say stuff like that, man! Big Brother is watching! You're not allowed to have an opinion about anything until the ratings go down due
to lack of drama on the show. THEN you can throw a fit about who ate all of your Lucky Charms and who didn't screw the cap back on the toothpaste!

I love "reality tv" for one reason and one reason alone: a wonderful topic for this installment :)

Whose brilliant idea was it to put people in a house together and film all of the garbage that happens inside. No one cares! Parents do you realize that, as
you sit with eyes glued to your television set waiting for Suzie from Idaho and Bubba from Missouri to just fool around already- your kids are out doing the very same things you're viewing? That, friends, is reality. Are our lives lacking so much that we must turn to the tv and, as a replacement to those unbelievably cheap situational comedies, watch people REALLY live together and "compete" for "leader" of a house? Come on.

The "cast" or whatever they are- are always the same. Hello America! Meet the contestants who will be living together and sharing a house FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE and craving for mind-numbing stupidity!

Meet Jose: he's from the Dominican Republic, but lives in New York in a drafty studio with his girlfriend (a dancer named Minnie) and his cat named Gordita. Jose is a street vendor who sells anything from "Rolex to Rolaids" Careful, guys, he has a tendency to be lazy and a bit tempermental! But ladies- even though he's taken...check out those CHISELED ABS!!

Meet Connie: Connie is a busty former swimsuit model from LA who loves to be tickled. When asked why she stopped modeling, the 6' blue-eyed beauty said "I
wanted to have an adventure! So I spent 2 months in Guatemala doing mission work."

Meet Carrie: From Colorado, Carrie has already labeled herself as "the bitch" UH OH maybe we'll have some conflicts! Carrie is a fitness guru with an attitude whose favorite tv show is JUDGE JUDY!

On and on it goes, pitting young yuppies and saps against eachother, hoping that they will cause each other permanent emotional scars, and if they're lucky, a catfight. Tears, thrills, spills, and sex await the household and the viewers on our reality tv show!

Fabulous.

Just once I would love for a cast to live together in harmony. "Pleas'ing" and "thank you'ing" their ways through the ENTIRE season. That would get real old. Real fast. "I hate to vote off Sammy. But we all agreed to do this in alphabetical order. So thats the way it has to be."

Oh poor ratings.

Now the families? I guarantee if there was a camera in ANY American household, it would be amusing. Especially if the family knew the camera was there. I mean, really. The Osbournes or whatever are nothing special. They're just foul-mouthed creatures who are completely screwing with the idea of family values. What would June and Ward say, I ask you?

The Survivor scene is old. I guess after a while no one really cared who could eat the most vile things. That's on FEAR FACTOR now, isn't it. Who wouldn't love a show where you watch a poor, helpless, scared...oh yes and WILLING contestant try to overcome a fear. The suspense kills me. Except not.

"Okay Jenny from Arkansas, do you think you can...eat this entire bowl of nutritious FRUIT?!"
"Oh God, please. NOOOOO!!!!"

And it comes to this. Be afraid, the promise of more pondering still lingers.

****
Shamelessly stolen from an old installment of "SHANNON PONDERS" :)
i love my friends lol

"hey shannon!! it's a puppy!!!"
"um...hon? That's not a puppy...."

2003-09-20T01:05:00.000-05:00

"You know, the catholic church doesn't allow homsexuality and it also doesn't like abortions. but who has less abortions than homosexuals? they should be like, 'you should all be gay!!'" ~ tom

so it's 2 AM and we're sitting in tom's house, etc. we're kind of tired and yet still going lol :) he's got one of those ergonomic keyboards that i hate typing on because i don't type with the right fingers SIGH at least it's not as annoying as tom's keyboard at school. anyway. david and tom and vinnie and i are here - joy. oooh oooh oooh there's a lot of stuff i want to add but unfortunately can't right now - but i will copy/paste this email that david sent me:

Dear Friends

Hi this is a mass email to everybody. I have been away
for the past 2 days, as you might know I have been
gone these past two days, and I feel that you need to
know whats up. Yes this is very important.

I have a very speicial freind here at George Mason
University. Her name is Cristina. She is an opera
major here at GMU and she is very pretty and just an
overall wonderful person.

She has a few health problems, she often gets
seizures and passes out. It usually happens once every
couple of days, but she alwasy get right back up and
out of it 30 seconds or later. Doctors have been
baffled by this for over 2 years now, so we basically
ignoredit and cared for her when she needed it.

Okay so here is whats up. This past Sunday night
(Sept.14) Tom, Cristina and I were at my apartment
baking cookies, eating pickles and playing Mortal
Kombat on Super Nintendo. She passed out fell on my
hallway floor and had a seizure. This time she did not
get up. She remained unconciouse and twitching for
over 5 minutes. Whem she awoke she could not stand.
She could barely move, she was frightened by this, so
Tom andI placed her in a chair and joked around with
her, and gave her some bacis TLC, as that is all we
can do in that situation.

Then she had another siezure and passed out in my
chair. This seivure lasted for over 8 minutes, and she
remained unconcious after the twitching stopped. Tom
and I decided to bring her to Fairfax Hospital. We
were both frightened becasue her seizures were never
this bad, and we did not want anything really bad to
happen to her at my place, because there would be
nothing that we could od for her. She told us in the
past to never call 911 becasue she can't afford the
ambulance fees, so we decided to drive her there in
Tom's car.

While we were deciding things out and gathering
importnant things such as ID, and cell phones she
awoke, and refused to go, altough she was in alot of
pain and incoherent at times. We called Tom's Mom and
Tom's mom convinced Cristina to let us take her
because we she needed help. We called her Mom, she tol
dus to get her medical records and take them with her
to the Fairfax Hospital because she had never been
there before, and Cristina had them in her dorm just
in case. She passed out again and began having a
series of siezures. We got her into Tom's car, I rode
on the back seat with her to comfort her as she
drifted in and out of consiousness. We got to her dorm
room and she was again unconcious and having another
seizure so I ran in and got them, I got her keys out
of her purse, yes girls I looked through her purse, I
know thats like the ultimate don't do but this was an
emergency. (it's a good thing that she told me where
she keeps her medical records).

When I got back she started to go into convulsions in
Tom's car. Once they stopped we proceeded to Fairfax
Hospital, on Gallows Rd. in Fairfax. it's a 15 minute
car ride from GMU. On the way she wne tin and out of
conciousness. While she was concious she kept
muttering "it hurts" and that is all she could or
would say. She was unconcious when we brought her in
to Fairfax Hospital. I went and got her check in and
evalutate dwhile Tom looked for a parking space
besides the fire lane where we stopped to get her out
of the car.

While I was checking her in she was unable to answer
questions. She was awake but not awake at the same
time. Soon she snappedo out and was able to talk, but
was unable to rememebr the events that brought her to
Fairfax Hospital. After check in they had her wait in
the lobby untill they could get a room for her.
Fairfax Hospital is one of the busiets Hospital in the
nation. So sometimes you have to wait for a room if
you are not 10 seconds from dying.

Anywa while we were in the waiting room she passed out
again. When she woke things turned worse. She lost her
memory. She was very confused. She did not know where
she was or why she was there or who Tom and I were.
She asked me 3 times in a row where she was, and she
got scared and would not talk or look at us.

At this point Tom and I became not onyl scared but
somewhat frantic. We did not know what to do or if she
would ever regain her memory. We got her to talk to
us, and we learned that she can remeber everything up
to moving in Day at GMU which was August 23rd. We did
not become good friends with Cristina a week later.

So we talked to her and reintroduced ourselves and
told her everything that had gone on duribng the
semster. It confused and worried and scared her
becasue she had no clue as to what was happening. She
was also in alot of pain. She had a mirgraine she was
nauseous and dizzy. Tom and I did our best to make her
laugh and smile and to make her feel comfertable while
we waited for a room to be set up for her. She was so
cute when she smiled. She was wearing a dress with a
matching button up sweater. A sunflower was in her
hair. Cristina and I had dinner that night at Ciao
Hall, and she stole it and put it in her hair, it was
a really nice touch. She had no shoes on becasue she
was barefoot in my apartment and we forgot to bring
her shoes when we went to Hospital. Her feet were very
cold, sorry Cristina, our bad.

As we were talking to her,telling her about ourselves,
and her friends, nearly all of whome she lost all
memory of we had some fun with the situation and
jokingly picked on her. It was allright by then she
finnally understood the situation and that we were her
best friends, and she accepted us, and she even told
us that she liked us which was a releif.

She did pass out 2 more times, and each time when she
awoke she forgot everything we told her, but she
recognized us as friends, so we expleianed eveything
again.

Once we got her into a room the doctors proceeded to
check her out and run tests. We gave them her medical
records and what not. When they left we kept talking
to her and made as comfertable and as happy as
possible. We even tucked her in, got her extra
blankets and Tom and I pretended to be an argning
homosexual couple just to make her laugh and smile.
Then she fell asleep,and while she was sleeping she
had a few more seizures one really bad one and a few
more milder ones. around 5:00 Am (we arrived at the
hosptialsometime after 1 AM) the seizures stopped, and
she began to reagin some of her memory. She recognized
Tom and I as Tom and I from school, and she could
remeber some events, like when a waiter was hitting on
her at IHOP and me trying to wake her up one day in my
apartment, and other little things. She could picture
other events but she couldn't make out was happend.
She aslo had no recoolection of that Sunday or the
Saturday, Friday, Thursday before that. She was
shocked to learn that I had been teaching her
Saxohpone, and that Tom was teaching her Violin and me
Viola.

As the night (morning whatever) went on she began to
rememebr more and more, and soon she was bale to peice
many things to gether, like this past Saturday she was
able to tell me everything that she and I did.
Saturday Cristina and I went shopping all day. Then
she had a CAT SCAN done and after that she fell
asleep.

Around 7:30 AM they came back with the CAT SCAN
results and diagnosed her with a type of seizure that
is caused by a heart complication. (after 2 years of
baffled doctors in Virginia Beach, where she comes
from; it took Fairfax 7 hours to figure it out some
probable cause of everything) They then told us that
if she could walk on her own she would be dismissed
from Fairfax and into the direct care of Tom and I.
Well we tried, but Cristina was too weak to even stand
on her own. Spent nearly an hour trying to help
Cristina to stand walk etc. She couldn't even move her
legs. She had full arm function. Her grip was also
very weak,she had difficulty signing her name.

We all really wantedtoget out of the Hospital and get
her into a comfertable bed where she could sleep. Tom
and I needed sleepas well we stayed up the whole night
talking to her and while she was sleeping we were
figuring out a way to take care of her and still go to
class, do work etc. We did not know how long it
wouldtake Crisitna to recover or anything so we wanted
to be prepared. Her paretnslive in Virginia Beach so
we wereall she had, and we love Cristina, and we would
do anything for her even miss a few classes so that
somebody was always around her.

Eventually she was able to walk (we cheated a bit) a
few paces and she was released at 8:15 AM What a
night.

I know this is a really long email but the story is
not done yet. You now know about Sunday so here is
Monday. MOnday morning Tom, Cristina and I went to
Tom's parents's house in Haymarket, VA just on the the
other side of Manassas it's only 30 minutes from
Fairfax. We got her to bed, I crashed and Tom did some
research on her diagnosis, and he also was able to get
her a follow up appointment at the Fairfax Community
Health Centre, which is where her primary physician
practices. The appointment is set for Tuesday Sept. 16
at 2 and thats where we are now basically.

We stayed at Tom's all day because we needed sleep.
Tom's Mom made us dinner. After dinner Cristina had
another seizure and passed out. This one lasted 30
seconds like the ones before Sunday. After this past
seizure she became very weak.

I am now emailing you all and it is 2:30 AM tuesday
morning Setpt. 16. I have been very stressed out and i
need sleep. Unfortunatly I won't be getting much
becasue I have calsses and I have to see alllof
Cristina's professors, and explain whats happening. We
also have Cristina's appointment, and we also have to
take care of ehr during the day, Tom and I have a
short concert to give tonite as well. Cristina is
sleeping right now which is the best thing for her.
She can walk but she needs help getting up, her grip
is also weak and she gets tired easily.

I know that pretty much none of you all know Cristina,
but I am very stressed out and worried about her, and
I need to do this to vent out for a little while and
it is relaxing me and it is helping me sort out events
as well as other things. I do know that I genuinly
care alot about Cristina she is one of my best
friends, and most favorate of people. And I as well as
Tom are doing the very best that we can to make sure
that we get Cristina fixed up and ready for the next
gig whenever that may be. We don't have many resources
but alot of common sense, and for the sake of a
friend, we both have good hearts. I don't know what
the next week will be like but I do know that with
Cristina needing care I will probally not be around
too much, so I appologize if I am not always
availlable to talk or to do things, but we'll see as
these next few days go by maybe things will get
better. I am really really tired now so I am going to
bed. Goodnite everybody.

~David

*******
my boys love me so much it's ridiculous :)

i love you guys too !

*love* from
~cristina~

2003-09-19T02:36:00.000-05:00

yeah so so much has happened that i don't feel like taking the time to explain it all. in a nutshell:

i went to the ER sunday night and was basically unconscious until tuesday
i'm being referred to a cardiologist and neurologist

hurricane isabel hit us today - no school yesterday or today.
rock on!

life is good :)

*love* my boys

~cristina~

2003-09-08T00:05:00.000-05:00

ok. so it's quarter to one and i'm sitting on mike's bed (which is decked out in the sheets that I want for my room) and we're just kind of hanging out. or let me clarify that - he's working on a project that he's had for like two weeks and never had time to finish so i'm just kind of "supervising" his work. yeah. *sigh* there's a problem here. i don't quite know what to do with this lol but i'm just going with it. here's my life in a nutshell: i spend my entire life either in my dorm room, changing (i hardly ever sleep in there); in the PAB with tom or david or mike or all of them; or eating. and mostly i'm in the PAB. for example, yesterday. yesterday i got up around noonish and showered and went to the JC to eat. then i went to the PAB and fucked around in a practice room for a while (no, you perverts, i didn't actually fuck the piano. PERVERTS) (i meant that i was just "playing" and "singing" and the reason those are in quotes because i can barely do either) and then after that i went and ate some more and then i hung out with jeff for a while (we went over to evan's house for a bit to watch SWAT but i fell asleep) then i was in the PAB until 3 AM and then tom and i went to IHOP and then we came back and crashed. and today i woke up, showered, went to the PAB, and then went to IHOP. GOd damn. i need to get a life. anyway. so i'm in mike's room. get this assignment (it refers to an earlier assignment, btw): "your little paradise has been discovered by tourists and is now the Trump Paradise Casino and Hotel. As the only costume designer on the premises, create a stage show for the grand opening, in the style of Dianan Ross and Liberace. Design the sets and costumes for a "show-stopping finale." Gay as the Wave on thursday nights (you of the 757 will understand that) Right now, mike's making a piano out of construction paper, scotch tape, and stickers. what a fucking loser. (he just said "thank you") (we're good lol he knows i love him) (hehehe) anyway. i'm gonna go now and...do...something...clean his fucking room or some shit...
*cristina*

2003-08-31T17:32:00.000-05:00

i saw phil last night. for the first time since the breakup. and it started out great. i had a great time. we hung out with james and peter and mads and then we played cranium and trivial pursuit. and i had so much fun. but that's what made me fall in love with him. our relationship fell apart because i smothered him and we fought about it. and it took me a long time to learn not to be overly dependent. but now that i've learned, it's too late. and that hurts like hell. because we still love each other. very much. last night proved that - i know we both felt it. then he brought me into his room to give me moocow...and we stood there and talked a bit - basically we talked about us. and he said, "i think this is the right thing to do" and that killed me because i don't know if it is or not. i mean, i know it is for now - i know that we can't be an "us" right now - but i think we might be able to later, when we've grown and learned. and then we kissed. and i felt myself melting the way i used to feel when he kissed me. i didn't feel any of that last saturday. but i sure as hell felt it last night. and i didn't know what to do about it. i cried some more, said i shouldn't have done it. but i wanted to so badly. and it felt so right. maybe i'm just making all this shit up. maybe there wasn't a connection between us, and maybe these feelings were only coming from me. but somehow i don't think so. it's impossible to ignore that. i don't know what to do.

"I just wanted to say that i'm sorry about last night...it's just that i had a great time, and it reminded me of how much fun we have together, how good we are together....and I know now that I can be like that – fun, happy, less dependent and clingy - and I know that’s what you wanted while we were together and i’m sorry that I couldn’t do it before, and now it’s taken me too long to learn how to be that way that now it's too late. and that makes me sad because i love spending time with you and i love being around you and i love you. more than anything. and i felt it so much last night and I know you felt it too…or at least I think you did, or else you wouldn’t have kissed me back…and I guess I just wanted to know if you felt that connection or if I’m just imagining it…I don’t know…there’s just no point…I’m too late, aren’t i?"

aren't i?

2003-08-26T01:38:00.000-05:00

wow. phil and i just broke up. we both knew it was going to happen. we knew that it just wasn't going to work. so we just admitted to ourselves that yes, we're best friends. but maybe that's all we're meant to be right now. and it's sad. because it's always hard to let go of something like that. but in a way it's almost...well...i don't really know. now we don't have to pretend anymore. we don't have to try to force ourselves to be a couple. and i mean, seriously. he's my best friend. and he has been for a very long time. we want to hang out and spend time together, but as a couple, we just don't cut it. at least, not anymore. we used to. it's kind of odd, you know? we were so happy together, but then we just kind of drifted apart. happens to the best of us. and it's not like we've lost each other. we're still gonna chill (and we're sure as hell still going to see stephen lynch!) anyway.
bed calls. and 'm exhausted.
good night, moon.
~Cristina~

2003-08-19T00:47:00.000-05:00

la be11a carina: i told phil my minor
GMUVoce: your minor?
la be11a carina: yeah
GMUVoce: ?
la be11a carina: special education, concentration in early childhood and severe disabilities
GMUVoce: oh!
GMUVoce: i didn't know that was your minor
la be11a carina: so phil goes, "oh...so you're a voice major with a minor in RETARD?"
GMUVoce: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GMUVoce: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
GMUVoce: i am laughing so hard tears are falling down my cheeks! that is the funniest thing i've heard all fucking day!!!! lol
la be11a carina: LOL
la be11a carina: i'm glad

****
ahhhh i love my friends :)

~Cristina

2003-08-18T06:49:00.000-05:00

It is 7:33 AM on a Monday morning and I'm up. Dressed. Showered. Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Look at this, I'm so tired I'm capitalizing my letters! WTF!? ahhh much better. ok. anyway. i'm meeting sylvia and stephanie and megan and kristen and amy for breakfast this morning - kind of like a "holy family [that's my church] teen cantors going away" thing. yeah. so we're meeting at the sunrise cafe at 8:30 and sylvia's picking me up at 8:15. cool. well. it sucks not having a car anymore. but whatever. i've been trying to pack lately - all i've done is wash some clothes and organize stuff. my trunk is packed. i'm bringing these little drawer organizer things, they're stocked and ready, i still have to pack my clothes up, wipe down the fridge, etc.

awwww buckey's laying on the floor next to me with her paws crossed and her chin on my foot. awwww!!! *pats dog*

anyway. i'm really thirsty. so i think i'm gonna go downstairs and have me some of that no-sugar, no-carb, no-nothing kiwi strawberry stuff. but damn it tastes so good! :)

~Cristina~

2003-08-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

SHANNON PONDERS:

"why do people feel bad when others cry? they're snotting everywhere, it's gross really....they should be like, "what the fuck's wrong with you, stupid? wipe your excretions up and end your life. you're too pathetic to live." we'd all cry less, wouldn't we? my logic fucking ROCKS"

"my sister calls boobs 'teats.' do that sometime. it's great. it's so funny!"

"i have tourettes...i guess....*twitch* FUCK!"

***

ahhhhh my friends are great, aren't they?

***
i need sleep.

2003-08-11T23:43:00.000-05:00

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

*******
wow i'm totally loving that song. i don't know why! lol so what has been up with my life? i went to fairfax last thursday (the 7th) to go buy my books. and i got em all too! and...GUESS WHAT?!! I EVEN FIXED MY SCHEDULE!! damn, that took forever and a decade. anyway. so here is my schedule, below:

MONDAY
10:30 - 11:30 Developmental Psychology (I'm a psychology minor)
1:30 - 2:45 Chamber Singers
3:00 - 4:20 Oral Comm
4:30 - 6:00 French II
7:00 - 10:20 Opera Scenes

TUESDAY
9:00 - 10:30 Theory III
3:00 - 4:30 Performance Seminar

WEDNESDAY
10:30 - 11:30 Developmental Psychology
1:30 - 2:45 Chamber Singers
3:00 - 4:20 Oral Comm
4:30 - 6:00 French II

THURSDAY
9:00 - 10:30 Theory III
3:00 - 4:30 Performance Seminar

FRIDAY
10:30 - 11:30 Developmental Psychology
3:00 - 5:00 Opera Scenes

Sheesh. i hope i have time to BREATHE...it's ridiculous. i'm going to have to take a summer session again, i hate to admit it, though. maybe between junior and senior years. but how am i gonna do that AND todi? maybe i can take C session. or just do what i did this year and be a couple of rehearsals late. i dunno. because i really want to continue doing Todi. *sigh* whatever. so how's my life been going? okay, i guess. after maestro and daniel left, life got really boring really quickly. i had nothing to do! so i started eating more, gaining weight (ew. i'm back up to 125. ew.) , being lazy. it sucks. so i've been trying to get back on track with atkins. i just started it again yesterday. *sigh* it's terrible. so not only do i feel like shit, and i feel fat, but the people who made me feel good about my image and myself (namely, Jiri, Walter, and Daniel) are gone lol so i'm just all by my lonesome. *sigh*
i can't wait to get back to school! only 12 more days! TWELVE!! until i get to see my love :) and get to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *content sigh* yay.

i'm thinking of dropping my performance seminar. but i don't know when else i'm going to take it. *grrr*

sorry, that was very random.

i love my cell phone voice mail message lol it's great. it says "i'm sorry, but i'm not here right now. leave a message after the beep. thank you." in first french, then italian, then german, then as i started in english, i cut it off lol "mi dispiace, ma non sono qui. lasciare un messagio dopo il segnare. Grazie." LOL

well SOME people thought it was funny lol

*sigh*

~Cristina~

2003-07-26T00:18:00.000-05:00

psgirl1102: you know what i love about our maestro?
GMUVoce: hehe
GMUVoce: hmmm
GMUVoce: he feeds you and thinks your hot?
psgirl1102: besides the fact that he's a sexy italian man who thinks i'm hot and feeds me delicious italian food
psgirl1102: he gives us alcohol
GMUVoce: oooh
GMUVoce: i was like "there's more?!?!?!"
psgirl1102: gooooood alcohol
GMUVoce: are you drunk?
psgirl1102: no
GMUVoce: oh
psgirl1102: been drinking
psgirl1102: but not drunk
psgirl1102: i had like 4 beers
psgirl1102: and i'm not even tipsy
psgirl1102: what the fuck is that?!
GMUVoce: and now im all disappointed, cause you're really funny online when you're drunk
psgirl1102: i know right lol
GMUVoce: hehe
psgirl1102: remember that drunken email?
psgirl1102: i sent to phil
psgirl1102: it was aaaaaaall fucked up
GMUVoce: lol
GMUVoce: i remember one of the first times i was drinking, i got an email from my dad
GMUVoce: he wanted to know what time to pick me up the next day
GMUVoce: i made the mistake of writing back to him
GMUVoce: when he picked me up the next day, he was like "uh, were you...alright last night?"
GMUVoce: "um yeah dad. i was tired. so much studying, you know, it really fries your brain"
psgirl1102: LOL
psgirl1102: "studying"
psgirl1102: that's great
GMUVoce: i know right!!!!
psgirl1102: that'll be our code word from now on
GMUVoce: hehe! ok
psgirl1102: "hey mel, come over...it's a STUDY SESSION!!!"
psgirl1102: and you'll be like, "YAY!! STUDYING!!"
psgirl1102: and no one else will get it
psgirl1102: and they'll think you're weird
psgirl1102: which, let's face it, you are
psgirl1102: but still
GMUVoce: well yeah
psgirl1102: it's like, "hey mel...what do you say we go...STUDY?!!"
psgirl1102: and you go, "YEAH!!! OH MY GOD I HAVEN"T STUDIED IN SUCH A LONG TIME!!!!"
GMUVoce: i'll be like "sure! just let me grab my books!!!"
GMUVoce: as i reach for a 12 pack
psgirl1102: lol
GMUVoce: "um, mel? why are you taking beer to go study?"
psgirl1102: "it...helps me concentrate?"
GMUVoce: *looks down* "oh! dude! i totally thought these were my books!!! same shape and all" *walk out door*
psgirl1102: LOL
GMUVoce: i love how my IM convos play out like a script
psgirl1102: i know right
GMUVoce: *blocking*
psgirl1102: *cristina enters stage left*
GMUVoce: lol
psgirl1102: *crosses downstage right*
psgirl1102: *turns to mel*
GMUVoce: *LSB at table*
psgirl1102: you know mel? we're on stage!
GMUVoce: hehe
psgirl1102: *mel dashes onstage from left wing*
psgirl1102: my goodness!
psgirl1102: *looks straight out*
psgirl1102: we are!
GMUVoce: Mel: oh my! *turns to audience* are you sure?
psgirl1102: Cristina: *turns out to audience as well, squinting* i believe so
psgirl1102: Mel: *shielding eyes from stage lights* you know what? you're right!
psgirl1102: There are people!
psgirl1102: Cristina: *squinting* really?
GMUVoce: *Mel xs to Cris, full spot, center, house to black, stage to 0*
psgirl1102: LOL
psgirl1102: oh lord
psgirl1102: we are a trip
GMUVoce: yup!
psgirl1102: you and i lol
GMUVoce: aren't we tho!
GMUVoce: and we're not even inebriated!
GMUVoce: we are sooo going to have to fix that asap!
GMUVoce: im seeing a study session come up, first night we're on campus
GMUVoce: bc you know, we want to get a jump on the semester
psgirl1102: LOL
psgirl1102: yeah
GMUVoce: i was talking to my uncle, ed, the other day, about finances and stuff like that for school
GMUVoce: i said "all i really need is enough money to pay tom his car payment, gas, and....sodas"
psgirl1102: LOL
psgirl1102: and he said?
GMUVoce: "bullshit"
psgirl1102: LOL
GMUVoce: he was a TKE back in the 80s when he went to mason
GMUVoce: back when TKE was cool
GMUVoce: and had members
GMUVoce: attending gmu is a family legacy for me
psgirl1102: lol cool
GMUVoce: my aunt, my cousin's mom, my dad, three uncles, my dad again, yeah
psgirl1102: wow
psgirl1102: impressive
GMUVoce: yeah
GMUVoce: it's a lineage
psgirl1102: you must be...proud?
psgirl1102: *snicker*
GMUVoce: when i was in 8th grade, all the private high schools were coming in to talk to the students, to make us want to go there
GMUVoce: my mom, my aunt, and my three uncles went to OConnell
GMUVoce: the day that the oconnell people came, the principal of the school decided to tag along
psgirl1102: yeah?
GMUVoce: so im sitting in the front row, and he looks at me and says "did you have any family that went thru the school? you look so familiar"
GMUVoce: i said "uh yeah...my mom mary mclaughlin...she was a kennedy back then"
GMUVoce: his face paled when i said "she had a sister trish, and three younger brothers...:
GMUVoce: he went "joe, ed, and tom!"
GMUVoce: apparently they had graced him with their presence in his office numerous times...at least joe and ed did
GMUVoce: but the principal definitely still remembered them 25 years later
GMUVoce: i went home and said "yeah, so PVI it is..."
psgirl1102: LOL

2003-07-25T00:18:00.000-05:00

happy anniversary, jessie and kevin!! :) hope y'all had fun :) anyway. today was a blah day - stayed home all day long, just hung out around the house. rose came by and we talked and stuff for a while. let's see. talked to andrew today...*sigh* i'll be fine :) david called and invited me to dinner lol this'll be interesting heh and i'm not really one for talking right now, sorry ...
i'll add more later when i feel like talking...i guess...typing...whatever
~cristina~

2003-07-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

so tonight was definitely an experience. since Jiri and Francesco left, it has been me and maestro and daniel and jessie and rae who hang out. and tonight we were supposed to go see "finding nemo" but then maestro got called in to meet the ballet dancers and we ended up not even leaving willett hall until like 8:30. so then we decided to just go out and eat dinner and see the movie on friday. so we had dinner. and we went to this great place (i already forgot what it was called lol) and then we went back to drop off maestro and hang out a bit :) all in all, a good night. tomorrow we're volunteering to help maestro with the todicucina thing :) i think. anyway. love to you all :)

2003-07-23T01:30:00.000-05:00

audblog audio post

2003-07-23T01:21:00.000-05:00

so this summer has truly been an experience, thanks to Todi...music rehearsals, staging rehearsals, wes :-), rae :-), jessie :-), meeting francesco ("biggie biggie biggie, can't you see sometimes your words just hypnotize me" lol) going to dinner (lol francesco wants to go where?), rapping italians who talk to people they don't even know, lunches that take FOREVER ("i'm not asking you, i'm telling you. i'm the maestro, we're going to be late!"), trains that make us late, agnes' house for dinner, going to the beach, showering at wes' house, going out for my birthday ("Rae", "Dani", and "Chris") (meeting Barb-Trip and Moonbeam), going to the beach AGAIN, being tossed around in the ocean, maestro cooking dinner for us (jessie has a parrot on her head!), cast parties (playing pool, andri lol "you know you want to come with me!") david krohn (*sigh*), birthday parties, laser tag, closing the opera (TOTALLY Todd's night), going to the beach AGAIN lol, being a "present", Jirí :-), maestro cooking us dinner AGAIN (mmm that was delicious), going to todijazz with maestro, Jiri, and Daniel, (that was totally just me last night lol), calling rae the second something happens ("oh my god" "oh my god!" "oh my GOD!!" "OH MY GOD!!!"), phone calls from francesco at all hours of the day (and night), going to the concert ("Ok, boys?") Wes being mistaken for Francesco lol, etc. etc. etc. I had a blast this summer, you guys, now i don't know what to do with myself!! lol can't wait til next year (and daniel's coming back - AND he's learning english. he said, "beautiful girls and fun times, next year i have to know english" lol) (and as far as i know, Jiri's coming back, too! yay)

So, needless to say, i had a great time. and all that above? that's not even the half of it :-) i love you guys!

***

now what?

***

phil and i started having trouble again. nothing new, just the same issues as always. we almost broke up. for the second time. but this time, he was trying to tell me that i needed to change certain things about my behavior in order for us to work. so i was all about to let him try to change me until i realized who i am. i am Asian Chick at GMU, and i don't have to change for anyone:

hey baby :)
after we got off the phone, i just sat here and thought about the situation at hand. here are the things i came up with:
* this isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened with us.
* we haven't seen each other in a long time and i think it's kind of clouded us in a way because we are starting to forget what it's like to be around the other person.
* i know that we have conflicting personalities. i am, by nature, an emotionally clingy and needy person, and you, by nature, are not. therefore, my needs bother and annoy you, which is bad because that's just how i am.
* we love each other. a lot. and it's that love that has kept us together.
* i know i've said i can change. but i realize now that, in the end, i may not be able to, and it's sad to think that because of that, i will lose you.

i thought i was doing a good job at giving you your space these past couple of months. i need to know what i did wrong, so that i can change it. when we first had this talk, you said that you needed your space; that i call too much, want to talk to you too much, want to spend too much time together. so i tried to minimize my calls, i tried not to take up too much of your time, and i haven't spent any time with you at all, seeing as i'm four hours away. but even then it wasn't enough. and if what you need is for me to leave you alone completely unless you want me, well, i'm sorry, but i don't think that will work. i never thought that the fate of our relationship would fall on my strength of character. and now it has - it has fallen onto whether or not i can change who i am, in order to help us work. i want there to be a compromise of some kind, but you haven't offered to compromise anything, you've only told me that you need me to change. is it absolutely necessary that i change to suit what you need? will you absolutely not be able to live with me in your life if i can't?
remember how you said that you needed to find yourself, and that i should probably do the same thing? learn who i am, before i tried to become someone i wasn't? you were right, i had lost my sense of identity. i had this whole letter written out, to give you details about how i would change myself, change who I am, in order to hold on to you. but now that girl you met in november is back. took me two whole months of soul-searching to find her, but she's here. that woman you fell in love with, the one who was happy with herself and confident enough to speak her mind? yeah, i almost didn't recognize her, either. phil, i love you. and i know you love me, too. but i shouldn't have to do all the work. from the beginning of all the trouble we had, i was the one who tried to change, i was the one who tried to be who you needed me to be. it shouldn't be that way. if things need to change, there needs to be a compromise. i can't just mold myself into the person you want, because then i wouldn't be myself. i know it sounds crazy. especially since i lost all sense of self these past few months. but i was so keen to make you happy that i forgot what it was like to make myself happy. this summer, i found myself happy - happier than i'd been in a long time. because i finally learned to be myself. i re-learned what it's like to hang out with the girls, and they helped me remember who I am. I'm the girl who doesn't take shit from my co-workers ([name deleted to protect the guilty] will not be coming back to todi next year, thanks to me). i'm the outgoing asian chick who is confident enough in herself to not need to be convinced to go out and have fun, instead of waiting for the fun to come to me. and i'm not going to change who i am to suit anyone's needs. like i said before, i love you, and i care about you. but i'm not about to become a different person just because you need it that way. if anything needs to change, there needs to be a compromise. i think it would be best if we talked more about this, so go ahead and call my cell phone whenever you can. (wow that totally sounded like a line from Office Space..."phil...hey...what's happening...i'm gonna have to ask you to call my cell phone when you can, so go ahead and pick up that phone...you should have the number if you got that memo...did you get that memo?" lol) i hope to hear from you soon.

***
if i know phil, he ought to realize that i shouldn't have to change, and that he can compromise. i hope so. because i love him and he's my best friend, and it would suck to be single again. well, in all honesty, singledom isn't so bad. until you realize that you feel totally useless and that no one wants you. but maybe that's just me. *sigh* anyway. the point is that i love phil and i want him in my life. but i'm not going to change myself for that. i hope this works out. if it doesn't, well, y'all better leave your cell phones on and your batteries charged, because i'm gonna be hurting...

~cristina~